My bad stuff...the end...because now I might have a completely different list. :)

Almost 2 years ago, I started this blog, and truthfully...I am not as faithful to write as I should be.  I do write a lot actually, just in a journal instead of on the computer.  This is me...I'm "old school" still...can't seem to help it that I want to hold my words in my hands and read them in my own handwriting.  But, I need to grow and adapt myself to the world around me...growing pains...ugg!

So, today, I'm committed to finish my procrastination of my "bad stuff" list from April 2012 and get this list off of my conscience once and for all!  3 of the 4 things I'll enlighten you about are still true, and 1 is only semi-true two years after I confessed it...here goes:

I USUALLY GIVE A BAD FIRST IMPRESSION...several of you who know and love me have experienced a first impression problem with me.  I don't have any excuses that really matter, but here's my excuse anyway...I prefer to be a wallflower and fade into the woodwork, and if I feel on the spot or scrutinized, I often withdraw and hide.  I will still say "hello" and portray pseudo friendliness toward people I meet, but I definitely hide the "real me" from new people.  One great example of this is when I met one of my best friends "Emily."  We taught at the same elementary school and soon after the beginning of the year teachers' meetings, Emily and I found ourselves chatting about our personal lives a little.  My daughter's name is Belle, and because of the uniqueness of her name, I often get comments about it.  Emily is a pretty bold person, not shy at all which is a personality type that intimidates me anyway, and when she said, "is she named after the Disney princess?," I immediately went into shut down mode because I didn't know her well enough to perceive her comment as genuine curiosity or a stab at humor at my expense.  I answered her matter of factly, "Yes, she is actually named after the Disney princess."  I turned away and went back to my work.  Emily and I laugh at this first impression now, but the truth is that Emily thought I was not a warm person and somewhat standoffish, maybe even stuck up.  Now that she knows me well, Emily says that she got me completely wrong by our first impression.  Others say similar things about me.  I don't open up at first, it's like a protection mechanism of myself, but I guarantee that after I know you...you'll see the real me is not too bad. 

I DO TOO MUCH FOR MY KIDS, I ENABLE THEM...finding the balance of rearing my kids to be competent, independent young people is always a struggle for me and my protective, serving nature.  I want the people I love to have it all, and I usually sacrifice myself to ensure that this is possible.  My self sacrificing nature is not always the best at preparing my kids to take on the world.  I fear that I hold them back, my intentions are sincere and honest...but, I enable them to stay in a rut sometimes.  I am conscious of this trait of mine and do a lot to overcome it, like just this past weekend, my oldest daughter was in Chicago with me and our 2 international students...and she needed to go into a suburb to visit a friend...by herself!  The whole thing was set up with the friend picking her up at the Metra train station, and my daughter had everything under control as she went up to the counter to purchase her ticket.  It took all I have within me not to go up to the counter to "oversee" the situation and make sure she was saying and doing all the right things.  I even commented to one of our international kiddos that it was hard for me not to intervene.  I realized at that moment that 75% of my daughter's inability to perform things successfully was on her, but 25% of it was on my shoulders because I don't really allow my kids to fail.  I hover and swoop in and "fix" things.  That's not really my job anymore with my oldest who'll turn 18 this year...I'm running out of time!  I'm not going to just let her have a free for all, but within boundaries, I need to let her make decisions and go up to train ticket booths without me.  My middle daughter is not going to need as much intervening as my oldest because she is strong-willed and independent already, and my youngest is not ready for me to stop my hovering yet.  Each kid is different, but I need to make sure that they are more of their own self and less of me guiding their every single step as time moves on.  I need to make them able to do things on their own instead of enabling them to need to depend on me every second for the rest of their lives.

I THINK I'M GOOD AT SEVERAL THINGS, PRIDE OR CONFIDENCE?  This is the one I wouldn't put on my list anymore if I wrote a list today.  I have come to realize that I'm not good at balance.  I am like a jack of all trades in my life without a clear thing that standing out that I have any expertise in.  I'm okay or pretty good at a lot of things, but not really, really good at anything.  This is okay with me now, and I'm not sure it's a bad thing.  I'm confident that I can get a job done, almost anything someone asks of me I will do to the best of my ability...and usually my best is good enough for them.  I take pride in accomplishments, but I'm not really proud of myself.  So, this one is tricky to write about because it doesn't really apply anymore...

I OFTEN HIDE CHOCOLATE SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SHARE...this is true.  I often give out chocolate too though.  I grew up with a mom who hid a bag of peanut M&M's on the top shelf of our pantry, so I come by it honestly.  I know if I buy a bag of mini Hershey bars that within a couple hours at my house with 7 people...it will be gone.  I love Hershey bars dipped in peanut butter, and I know it sounds strange...a Reese's just isn't the same.  Sometimes, I just like to have something for myself.  Chocolate bars can now be replaced with my preferred flavor for Kehrig coffee maker which I have resorted to writing my name on the box so that the little people who love drinking coffee will stay out of the "good stuff."  I do this and feel bad sometimes because I'm generally not a selfish person at all, but I don't really think I'll devote much energy to change this "bad thing" about me much...or maybe I will...and, I have much better hiding places than my mom did!  

Thank goodness I am done with my confessions that I started almost 2 years ago.  Now, it might be about time to make a new list which I'll refrain from doing on the blog next time...but the important thing I wanted to impart to you is...
USE EVERYTHING, EVEN YOUR BAD STUFF...QUIT FEELING SHAME AND HIDING...SOMEONE ELSE CAN BENEFIT FROM THE THINGS YOU'VE GONE THROUGH.

Hugging Strangers

As of today, I am officially an advocate of hugging strangers. I'm not an expert about hugging or about strangers, but if you are in a public, well lit place, and are an adult... Just say "no" to irrational fears concerning stranger danger.

The first time I can remember venturing into the unchartered waters of hugging strangers, was a little less than a year ago after having coffee with some friends at Panera. We were saying our goodbyes just outside of the front door when a woman walked by us and said, "hey, I want a hug." My friends and I paused our hugs for a millisecond, and I took two steps over to the hug deprived woman and gave her what she needed...a hug. She giggled a little, I smiled, and my friends were trying to figure out what just happened and if I needed to be committed. Truthfully, I felt energized, elated, and silly...like I was high on life from a hug. I made a mental note to try it again sometime soon, but I didn't get my chance until today. 

See, the thing about hugging strangers is that you really need an invitation. I don't recommend hugging random strangers, just the strangers who are actually seeking hugs...like today in Chicago's Union Station. 

I put two of my kiddos into the line to ride the Amtrak to Kansas City from Chicago, and when the line progressed for them to leave, I gave them hugs and said "goodbye." As I turned to leave, a nice guy behind them who had been talking to us for a while said, "where's my hug?"  I smiled at him and took him completely by surprise and gave him a goodbye hug too. Why not? I knew he was halfway teasing, but what if he really did NEED a hug?  After all, Humans need at least 8 positive physical touches each day to be a thriving person.  I left the most recent "stranger hug" in Chicago's Union Station with a smile on my face and Grace told me that the man told her, "that sure was nice of her to give me a hug" after I left. 

So, here's my challenge to you: hug a stranger sometime this year. If we all do this...the world WILL be a better place. So many more smiles and genuine surprise in each other's humanity.

I'm addicted to hugging strangers after just two shots of caring for people I will never know personally or even see again, and I reaped a great benefit as well because I don't always get my 8 positive physical touches each day either. 

Bad Stuff, Take 5: Avoiding People, Not Accepting Help, and the USA not being my favorite...

Okay, Okay...I am going to finish my "use everything, even your bad stuff" once and for all...yes, you might have to go back and skim and scan the initial list again to see what was actually on it...and, yes, I already have more "bad stuff" I can use now because life goes on every day, and at least once a week I do something pretty bad that I either have to use or try to ignore only to use later.  But, here it goes...

I avoid people sometimes...
Have you ever been there?  The doorbell rings and you're in your sweats and in great need of a shower, so you do the army crawl from the living room into the kitchen and barely breathe because the person on the porch might hear you...then, you tiptoe over to a window and barely open one slat of the blinds while you stay glued to the wall beside the window.  Usually, I am just wanting to be unbothered, but sometimes...I am trying to avoid people...like the Schwann's guy.  My poor kids have started following my lead; they freak out when someone knocks at the door or rings the doorbell.  I'm beginning to think we need a butler, someone to say, "Mrs. Schooley will meet you in the parlor in 20 minutes."  If only I had a parlor...
I also avoid people who talk a lot.  I don't really like long conversations about the same topic over and over and over.  I have to be honest and say that there are a few people I know, maybe 3, who I usually change my walking path to avoid.  You know what I mean?  I see this talkative person and immediately avoid eye contact...then, I change the angle of my walking path.  I cross the parking lot instead of staying on the sidewalk.  For all I know, these people want to avoid me too because they never call out to me once I've taken the detour to avoid them.  They probably think I don't engage enough in their captivating storytelling, maybe because I don't.  I avoid people who talk about themselves too much and never want to know about anything in my life; I can take it every once in a while, especially from really interesting people...but, usually the people who think they are interesting aren't to me.
Mainly, I avoid some people because I get bored easily or because it has been 20 years since I've seen them and I don't think they'll remember me.  I have been working on the latter though; if I see someone I "used to know," I go up and talk to them now.  I think I love it so much because they seem genuinely surprised that I would talk to them or approach them.  I enjoy it, I guess, mainly because my husband dares me to do it.

I do not let other people help me even though I am often spread thin helping others...
I HATE to put people out.  I am used to being the caretaker of others, and it is so difficult to accept help even when I need it.  I pretty much expect people to let me serve them, take care of them, and enjoy my smile as I do it...but, turn that back around on me...I cringe when someone serves me.  I had to learn the hard way that when I don't allow others to serve or help me what I'm really doing is robbing them of a blessing.  My second trip to Romania with a group called "Hearts of Faith" started off really well; I took Belle who was 7 at the time with me.  Belle slept a lot in the van as we traveled from Gypsy villiage to Gypsy village, and I thought she might not be adapting to the jet lag because she was so young.  Belle spent the night with my friend Beny's little sister, Oana, one night, maybe day 7 of the 10 day trip; at lunchtime the next day, Beny's mom, Dana, called Beny and told him to tell me that she thought Belle had the "chicken mumps."  She had a slight fever and a rash covering a lot of her body.  I told Beny to tell his mom that Belle had been vaccinated for chicken pox and the mumps (I wasn't sure which one she thought Belle had).  My mind immediately thought, "what unknown illness had my 7 year old daughter contracted in the middle of Romania in a Gypsy village."  
Well, my friend, Laura, who is also a Romanian took a look at Belle and said that it was indeed Chicken Pox; I tried to argue again about vaccinations to no avail.  Here is the situation...God took me all the way around the world to a country where I didn't know the language in order to get me to a place in my life where I could reach a place of helplessness.  Strangely, I really had not been there before...helpless.  I usually could always help myself or "figure it out."  I truly was HELPLESS to fix this situation, and I HAD to turn to others just to survive. 
The team was leaving Romania in two days, and Belle and I really couldn't leave or we'd end up quarantined in France the minute they took a look at Belle trying to get on the plane.  Belle looked really sick, sores from head to toe, literally. (Later, when we got back and showed our pediatrician the photographs of Belle, he said that hers was one of the worst cases of Chicken Pox he'd ever seen.  So, either the vaccination didn't work, or Belle might have met a worse fate from Chicken Pox had she not had the vaccination before contracting the disease.)  I didn't bring extra money, at least not enough to live on until Belle recuperated; I think I had the equivalent of $20.  There was also the language barrier and the need for me to have a doctor's notarized letter saying that Belle couldn't travel so that we could get new airline tickets issued at a later date.  We needed a place to stay.  We needed food.  We needed medicine.  I was helpless.  
I would've freaked out if I had not been in prayer practically the whole time, and Romanians and fellow Americans came to mine and Belle's rescue.  Gordon, an American from Tennessee, handed me $300 and told me to just pay him back after I got home.  Beny's father, Pastor Tica, took a little money to buy a box of chocolates for a doctor friend who gave us a letter of documentation for our travel home.  Another Romanian I didn't really know yet, Ana, and her family took Belle and I into their home, fed us, gave us a place to stay...Laura brought medicine and ointment for Belle; she had access to it because her sister was a nurse.  I was helpless, yet I was at complete peace almost all the time.  I knew God was showing me something; I could see the joy in other's faces when I let them help and take care of me.  I realized that I was wrong for not accepting help and acting like I was okay all the time. 
Today, Ana is one of my very best friends.  She has seen me through a lot, and she is always there for me even though she lives in Romania or Spain and I live in the USA...we are just an email away from each other.  She has been one of the few people on this earth who've seen me at my worst and loved me anyway.  Beny's family, the Podea's, are the dearest family in the universe; I have no doubt that if I showed up on their doorstep that they wouldn't hesitate to take me in.  I love them as my own family.  Laura is married now and living in the USA in Tennessee near Gordon...I will always remember their generosity and grace.  I still struggle sometimes letting people help me, but I definitely learned that God will go to great lengths to get my attention even if it means taking me across the world so that I cannot do anything but trust Him.  

The United States of America is not my favorite country...
Hmmmmm....how do I write this one?  I am thankful for my country, The United States of America, and am grateful for the freedoms I have because of the privilege to be born here.   The USA is like meat and veggies.  Meat and veggies are not my favorite food, but it is what is good for me.  
I have visited a few other countries, not very many in relation to how many countries there are in the world.  The other countries I've visited could be like the desserts in my life; they are so good but not necessarily good for me all the time.  I know I was placed in the historical time, place of birth, etc. that I was meant to be, so even though the USA may not be my favorite country...it is where I am supposed to dwell.
I have spent time in Romania, Mexico, Canada, Germany, and Spain.  I have spent one night in Italy, Czeck Republic, and Hungary.  I have spent excursion time from a cruise ship in Turks and Caicos, Bahamas, and The Cayman Islands.  I have spent time, very little...like a day trip, in Switzerland, Austria, and England.  I have spent 14 hours in the Paris, France airport.  I have never been to South America, Antarctica, Asia, Africa, or Australia.  The world is BIG.  
My favorite country in all the world that I've been to thus far is Germany.  Germany has scars.  I've been to "Checkpoint Charlie" and part of the "Berlin Wall."  I have been to the beautiful Black Forest (Schwartzwald) and to a countryside that was beyond using words to describe it's beauty.  What I love about the essence of Germany (Deutschland) is that they don't try to cover up their past; you can visit Dachau, a concentration camp from WW2 or other places in Germany that the Germans would probably not like to be associated with. Germany is honest about the past, and her scars have healed...you can still see them, but the wounds have closed.  The emotional wreck of Germany's past is beautiful, and the physical beauty of the country is breath-taking.  Would I like to live there...sure I would.  I would like to live everywhere.  I wish I could live a whole lifetime in each part of God's world...see it all, experience it all...etc.   
Learn to live in the beauty of your scars!  Another way to say that is..."Use everything, even your bad stuff."

 

This is Belle and Oana in the Romanian Gypsy village one day before the "Chicken Mumps" surfaced!

Are you the hands and feet?

God doesn't ask us to be His brain...he asks us to be his hands and feet.  Why?  Because it is in the doing, the works, that people will see Him.  "Jesus-know-it-alls" don't bring glory to God; they just seem Pharisaical to the people around them.  We should have the mind of Christ, thinking on things above, for our own personal growth in our relationship of being refined...and pruned, but to others...meekness and humility win.  

In Biblical times, one traveled on dusty, rocky roads which produced a lot of dust on the feet of the travelers.  When guests arrived, a host would wash their hands and feet so that they would be clean after their travels and before the guests would eat or dwell in the host's home. I was thinking about God wanting us to be His hands and feet to others.  The hands and feet of the body get the most dust on them, they get the dirtiest because they are used the most, and perhaps they are the body's most useful tools in being productive.  This would be true for us too; if we are doing the business of being God's hands and feet, we are going to get dirty...we are going to be used, look used.

Jesus got feisty sometimes, but it was always directed toward people who used His name and attached it to something He wouldn't do: money changers cheating people in the Temple, Pharisees caring more about rules than people, bickering disciples, etc.  Kindness and complete charity was shown to the society outcasts: tax collectors, prostitutes, adulterers, beggars, the maimed, the unclean...to all the "questionable" people in society.

We need to be the hands and feet of God out in the world; we should be getting dirty.  When was the last time? 

Faith without works is dead...spiritual piety without getting dirty in the trenches is dead...Biblical knowledge without the wisdom and discernment of how and when to apply the knowledge is dead.


James 2:19-26 (NLT)
19 You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror.  
20 How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?  
21 Don’t you remember that our ancestor Abraham was shown to be right with God by his actions when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?  
22 You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete.  
23 And so it happened just as the Scriptures say: “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.” He was even called the friend of God. 
24 So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone. 
25 Rahab the prostitute is another example. She was shown to be right with God by her actions when she hid those messengers and sent them safely away by a different road. 
26 Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.

I'm fading...

I started to write yesterday but did not finish because life kept happening to distract me.  I had a happy baby keeping me company, and he was practically irresistible.  I had my own kids going in all directions, and I was just really tired from staying up late uploading pictures on an outdated computer.  I always opt for making sure everyone else's needs are being met rather than do what I want to do, that's just me. I know I am not the only person out there like that, so hopefully my thoughts will help or encourage you that you're not alone.

What I started writing yesterday feels nothing at all like what I want to write about today.  Yesterday, I was going to share something I heard in my teenage years: if you don't have any other plan of what to read in the Bible that you should read Proverbs, and because there are 31 chapters...just read the chapter that cooresponds with the date...so, yesterday on October 17th, I read Proverbs 17.  Proverbs 17 was just what I needed yesterday morning with verses like: "Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting-and conflict." Proverbs 17:1...and..."Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6...and..."A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashed on the back of a fool." Proverbs 17:10...and..."It is senseless to pay tuition to educate a fool, since he has no heart for learning." Proverbs 17:16...and..."A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength." Proverbs 17:22...and..."A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.  Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent." Proverbs 17:27-28  So, that was the way yesterday started...but today is different.

Today, I am sad.  I am having one of those "I could've been somebody" days, the ones when I look around and realize that I am invisible.  There are people all around me, people I know really well...people who probably really love me...but, I don't feel it.  Ever have one of those days?  Those days make me feel like crying, or to be honest, I do cry...days like this make me talk to God a lot more...which I guess He actually enjoys.  I like it when my children talk to me...when they talk to me like I will be that one person in the world who really understands them...Today, God gets this from me.

God takes delight in me, regardless of what state I am in when I come into His presence...today, I feel like crawling up on His lap and hearing Him tell me that everything is going to be okay.  Looking at old photographs and revisiting memories can be very bittersweet; it can also give you a jolt to seize the day!  I want to spend time with my family making more memories, and I have to admit lately it is also extremely important to me that they feel the same way, that it isn't me "forcing" them to participate in something.  I want them to want to be with me.  It feels strange that I would say that I want to be pursued by my children, but I can remember the feeling I got as my child ran into my arms after falling down, and even though I was sad that they were hurt...I had a feeling of overwhelming love that they WANTED me and that only I could meet that need for comfort.  It is still the same feeling but in a different way now that the girls are older which is why something like my daughter falling asleep 10 minutes after the start of a movie (that she initiated watching with me) got me on a roller coaster of excitement for feeling wanted and valued to a quick plummet...right into quiet tears as I turned the movie off and looked at her peacefully sleeping without a care in the world and not even realizing that it might have been an easier ride for me if she had never asked to be with me at all...that's when I want to feel Him wipe away my quiet tears and hear Him assure me that I am worthy of someone's time and love.

If I would've concentrated more on my career instead of making a deliberate decision to always put my family first...I would "be somebody" in life by now.  I excel in the classroom, and the interpersonal atmosphere of teaching is so natural for me, really effortless...I was made that way.  If I receive accolades in life, it is always in the academic arena whether as a student myself or as a teacher of others.  I LOVE teaching, but it took so much of my time and contributed to unrest in my home when I had 2 hours of papers to grade...but I also needed to do laundry and help edit a research paper for one of my own kids.  I just didn't have enough time to do everything well.  When the choice is do everything sub par or do some things very well...I have to go with the later.

The real reason I had my own children was because I wanted to be a mom, and to me the definition of a mother is someone who shares her life by nurturing and loving her children, sacrificing herself for the cause of rearing children to grow into adults who would grow to contribute and to live as well-balanced, productive humans and God-followers.  I didn't just want to have a cute baby that eventually I would gladly send to others for raising up; I WANTED to do the raising...I WANTED to make the sacrifice...I WANTED to be there for everything, for everything.

But, no one told me that the sacrifices would go unnoticed most of the time.  No one told me that I would help my kids with 3 hours of homework, everything from addition to understanding a Shakespearean sonnet, with a smile on my face when I really just wanted to sit quietly by myself and read a book.  No one told me that I would always be there for them to kiss the scraped knee, watch ball games, or apply their first eye makeup...only to have them leave me the first time they have the freedom to do so...and without even looking back.  No one told me that there would be times they would actually CHOOSE to be away from me.  Essentially, I am raising my children to a point when they actually OUTGROW me.  Belle is driving; Sophie doesn't need me for much (she is more responsible than I am); and Emi is about to go on her first overnight slumber party.  I am fading.

The cruel irony of parenting is that I am bringing up these girls, pouring my own life into them, but the result is that other people are the ones who will actually get to enjoy them.  My shaping of their lives, my heartaches over their pain, my intentional attention, and the sacrifice of my own life will not result in enjoyment for me, but for them to choose who to share themselves with...and they might not choose me.  While I get excited about every new thing my kids do or experience...that's just it...the more new experiences they have, the less I have of them. I want to be there and be a part of it all, live life with them...but, if I've done my job well and equipped them to be responsible and filled with integrity then I don't get to be there for all of it because they will be independent. What did I think would happen? I guess I didn't think.  I would never expect to be included as the only oldie in the group of friends or to be welcomed in the middle of the "boy talk" at the slumber party....yet, I grieve not being there.  I wish someone would've told me that parenting is the most joyful thing in the world AND that it also yields a sorrowful pain that is beyond understanding.

I chose this.  I hope after my nest is empty and my children are living lives of their own that I am not crying in a corner of my house saying, "I could've been somebody."

No one told me before I became a parent that my heart was going to crack in a way I can't even describe because the loss is not actually seen, it's only felt.

Sometimes, Mac Powell helps me with parenting...

I remember it like it was just yesterday...Sophie, my middle daughter, and I were in the kitchen baking.  Sophie was 2 years old, almost 3...and quite a cute little spitfire!  Sophie knew that she was right all of the time, and honestly, she was always a couple steps ahead of me.  During our cookie making adventure, Sophie had to put in EVERY ingredient herself, seriously...she did.  Making the cookies was taking twice as long as me doing it myself, and I did not care one bit!  I LOVE spending time with my kids, and to keep my sanity about getting things done around the house too, I usually just invite them to join me in whatever I am already doing at the time.

This particular day when Sophie was two, it was chocolate chip cookies.  One thing Sophie "knew better" than me were the lyrics to her favorite Third Day song which was playing over and over and over on the CD player; Sophie belted out, "you are bootiful, my sweep, sweep sog....you are bootiful, my sweep, sweep sog."  No matter how many times I tried to tell Sophie that God is a "sweet, sweet song" and not a "sweep, sweep sog," she sang her version even LOUDER!  When "You are Beautiful, My Sweet, Sweet Song" was written, I know Third Day had NO IDEA that the lyrics would be misinterpreted to stray off topic that much.  The thing is...we STILL talk about that day; Sophie still remembers the day we, just she and I (no big sister) made cookies while we belted out the words with Mac Powell!  

Memories don't have to be perfect to be worthy of remembering.  The cookies took longer to make than usual, and my kid was singing the wrong words to a song....but, it was a perfect memory.

 My Sweet, Sweet Sophie!

My "not-so-lazy-days-of-summer" OR...Hello...It's been a while! :)

It has been a long time folks...Don't worry, I haven't changed my focus so quickly to decide to no longer write.  I have been SO busy, and I do not know why.  Summer is here, and the times should be slower...you know, the lazy days of summer...NOT true for us.  My calendar seems to be less crowded with activities, yet I actually have not had a spare moment to sit down and write a thing.  Why?

1.  I have (with Sophie's help) matched around 200 pairs of socks.  2 full laundry baskets of neglected sock marriages have been made!  This is not an exaggeration; it might be a larger number in all honesty.  Half were Eric's work socks, but still!!!!


2.  I have made more time for friends.  We just hang out at the park with our kids or meet for coffee, but TIME is passing.  Things might not be getting done, but relationships are growing or at least maintaining the same status.


3.  Gardening...little garden on my back deck and a big one at my parents.  Also, my roses look pretty good this year.  Kari's definition of Gardening: God allowing me to be used to SEE His creative creation flourish  as He uses my hands as His artistic medium.  Plus, it feels like free food...although I guess time is the commodity instead of money.


4.  I painted a little, and I have used 3 actual, literal canvases to create some "art" that I needed to get out of my head.  Peace of mind has been achieved to a degree.


5.  I have taken time to just BE which is the example God gave me.  I could call it meditating, I guess...but, it's more like noticing, being awed by thoughts I have, sitting in silence, listening for the sound of God which occurs outdoors, always in nature...alone with God in the place He made for me.


6.  Making hairbows...not a necessary thing, but fun and relaxing.  Cheaper than buying them already made...plus, I have 3 girls...and a niece.


7.  Playing games...I rediscovered the game of Life.  My kids started playing it like 5 times a day, so I joined them.  That game is FUN, seriously fun.  Now, Sophie is old enough to understand and play the card game, Spades, very well...so, we can play card games with just our family now!  AND, We are going to have one game night per month and invite others over...June's was a success but was shortened when the neighbors lost their daughters, and we went all over the neighborhood yelling for them and looking for them (they were found hiding under the covers of their parents bed after 10 terrifying minutes...those girls should be thankful that I was not their mama around correction time).


8.  Much more cooking and baking happening in my kitchen, and I am keeping up with all the dishes that this produces!


9.  I am seeing some time creep back into my day for writing which is good.  I gotta finish writing about my bad stuff which seems like ancient history now... :)


10.  Things still on my summer list: finish painting 2 rooms, hang curtains in playroom, move Sophie into the bedroom with Emi to make a room for our exchange student coming in the fall, organize my basement again now that the garage sale is over, and finish the last paperwork to get a couple classes scheduled to actually get my counseling Masters started, get all doctor visits over with for the kids, me, and the dog, AND definitely, positively....keeping up with the sock marriages in my home (i.e.matching socks after each load of laundry).


What is your summer like?  I hope you are making memories whatever you are doing.  If you seem just as busy as ever and cannot figure out why...make a list.  Doing that helped me see what I AM getting done; I was pleasantly surprised to see that I am making a difference, my kids definitely enjoy me more in the summer!


God bless you!  Kari